Tattered Pages
“These tattered pages are calling me home. Living & breathing, ancient words pleading….Come to the Savior, you’re not alone.”
Happy New Year!
It's been quite a year - full of glimpses of God's great faithfulness everywhere I look. Even in the painful chapters of this year, ones I wouldn't care to re-live, I can see His touch as He carefully worked it all according for the good of this child who loves Him.
One life-changing thing that happened this year was the fact that I had the privilege of doing prison ministry at a Federal Prison down in Canon City, CO with another friend of mine from Woodmen Valley Chapel in Colorado Springs. We went, along with the Chaplain Dan and his wife Shirley, and spent time with the imprisoned, many who have been set free by Jesus Christ, even while still on the “inside.”
They have several guys who form their worship team, and you should hear them rock the house for Jesus! That room swells with so much praise, you think the walls are going to fall down. One afternoon when we were down there, we asked a guy named Howie to share his story with us, as we all sat eating lunch. He shut down immediately and told us he has no desire to ever share his story again, because every time he had, up until that point, it was in front of a judge who rejected him and threw him back into the system.
The idea of sharing his story only caused him to expect more shame, rejection, and bondage.
But between that visit and the next, God began to work on Howie’s heart. He began to realize that his story belongs to the Lord and that maybe it was time he shared it, for whatever purpose God might have him do so. And so he did with us that day…
Howie was a teenager when it all happened. He and his brother got into a huge fight with a gang. No one was killed, but many were badly injured. Because the gang they were fighting was of a minority race, Howie was charged with a hate crime and multiple felonies, resulting in about a sixty year sentence. The judge wanted to make an example of him, so he experienced the full weight of the punishment upon this teenage boy.
Upon arriving at the Denver County Jail, Howie was thrown down into the "hole" of isolation for 40 days and nights. All that was down there was a filthy toilet, a bed frame (no mattress) and, behind the toilet, a dirty, torn up, tattered Bible.
Not having a whole lot else to do, Howie began to read it. He read that Bible from cover to cover, who knows how many times, while he was down there. And while he did, the Living Word infiltrated that hole and transformed His the hole in his heart. The Word came to life while he was down in the dark place.
Howie gave his life to the Lord in a dramatic way, and simply can not get enough of the Word of God ever since. He is now fluent in Hebrew and Greek and teaches the Word of God to the inmates every week. Needless to say, my friend Cindy and I were in tears as he poured out each chapter.
A few of us, including our Pastor, planned to head down to do a special Christmas program for the inmates that upcoming December. The theme was going to be "the gift of words." Cindy mentioned in passing that it might be neat if I wrote a song for the guys. So, I tucked that idea in my pocket and planned to revisit it later.
In November, it came time to think about it again and try to write a song. As I began to pray and process, that picture of Howie in the bottom of that "hole" came to me. And in an instant the words "tattered pages" came into my spirit. I emailed to Cindy what I was thinking, and she said..."Girl, that is SO the title of the song!" I said, "ya think?" And so, I began to write. “Tattered Pages” was finished that evening.
Well, to try to abbreviate the rest of this story...we ended up singing this song at the prison on December 16th and it was such a special time with the inmates. And it was so incredible to see Howie’s story come to life now in the form of a song. It was also really fun to bring a bunch of food and decorations in and throw them a big Christmas party! The big "hit" of the party were the creme puffs bought from Sam's Club!
Well, it didn't end there. My church decided that perhaps we should use the song "Tattered Pages" for our Christmas Eve services! I was so excited and honored. Then, Cindy had the idea that we should record the song and give it away to everyone that came to services all day. And so we did. 10,000 plus copies were distributed!
The reason I'm sharing this story isn't to say..."Isn't that cool how they used my song?" Oh, no...not at all. It is cool and, as a songwriter, it is so rewarding to see a song take flight. But what is amazing to me here is the power of our story. Howie is a prisoner. (not on the inside, but in the natural) For all intents and purposes, he feels like his story is worthless and hidden. Or he DID feel that say. But because he was willing to say, "Hey, my story belongs to God," a heart was touched, then a song was birthed, and it multiplied from there.
And you, my friend, you have a story. I have a story. Some of it is stuff we'd rather not anyone else know about. Some of it is heart-wrenchingly painful, and we’d prefer to leave it buried. And, of course, there is a time and place for sharing certain things. But, please, don't diminish your story or think it untellable, thinking only the pretty, shiny parts of you are what God can use.
I find as we look through the Scripture that God tends to used tarnished, tattered stories quite often, don't you?
I just finished reading the book "The Shack." it impacted me greatly and I'm still processing. But one quote toward the end stood out to me with regard to the significance of our lives. It is as follows: (The Holy Spirit is speaking to Mack, the main character, about whether or not his story is significant) "Mack, if anything matters then everything matters. Because you are important, everything you do is important. Every time you forgive, the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes: with every kindness and service, seen or unseen, my purposes are accomplished and nothing will ever be the same again..."
So, if you find yourself looking at the "tattered pages" of your life wondering how on earth God could ever use this or that chapter. Oh, our God is full of all kinds of surprises and miracles. Nothing is wasted in His book. No one is without purpose.
Give Him your story. Trust Him with it. For He is good, and there is a world in need of hearing the miracle He has written upon the pages of your life.
To listen to a sample of or download the song “Tattered Pages,” go here…
Update on Howie: Howie was released several years after the writing of this post, and he is happily married to his wife and is in ministry at his local church as a Bible
