“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered,“you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”  (Luke 10: 41-42)

Year fading into year.  Month tumbling into month.   Days cascading into more days.  And moments seeping into irretrievable moments. 

Ultimately and simply, a certain span of time is what delineates our life here on earth. We’re given only one life, and, I confess, at times I lose sight of the fact that each moment is precious, and I can never get it back.

For me, and probably you too, trauma and loss have a way of bringing things into sharp focus. In a moment, the brevity and preciousness of life come into clear view. Suddenly, nothing else matters except those we love and the act of simply being with them. I imagine this is the way Mary felt in the passage above. She had been through so much. She sensed the weight and value of Jesus’ presence. But what about the other times?

What happens to each of us when that sense of fragility and simplicity fades and so easily turns into a callous heart that snaps an answer to our spouse or child as we hurry out the door? Or creates a “to-do” list so many miles long that our lives become all too consumed, once again, with the doing rather than the being?  

How is it we lose the sense of savoring each moment simply because it was given to us, not because we are measuring what we accomplished in those moments by some diabolical measuring stick?  How is it we forget so easily that we are first His children and not just His workers?

We must stop and be quiet long enough to ask ourselves those questions.

I have been on a quest to more deeply discover these answers because, quite frankly, the “doing” has left me empty and craving a fuller and more rooted place of contentment in my identity as His child.  For the record, it’s not that I’ve stopped “doing.”  Oh, I’ve intentionally slowed down a bit to make more room for this sweet communion, but my plate is still full. Yet I am being set free from letting these “doings” define me and from losing the beauty of the moment.

Now, let me be clear…I believe, according to the book of James, that we are to do works as an overflow and demonstration of our faith in and love for Jesus Christ.  That is clear and uncontested.  What I am referring to isn’t the wrongness of the doing in and of itself, but the way we can come to define ourselves or gain some sense of value from these acts of doing. It is a wretched and unsatisfying place we can all too easily find ourselves, tethered and in bondage to performance and the opinions of others.

And so God has been asking me to sit quietly and let Him redefine me.  He is beckoning me to a place of deeper surrender, definition and healing.  A place where nothing I do or the way others value or dis-value me has any role in defining my worth. It is a place where all my heart idols are busted and smashed to smithereens, where the part of me that wants to feel needed, utilized or admired is being cleansed and re-calibrated rightly, to the true north of my King’s admiration.

It is a destination of love.  An embrace of grace.  It is ultimate freedom.

And can I tell you that, as painful as this process is – because it is a dying - it is the most freeing and beautiful place I have ever been thus far on my journey.  The striving has lulled, the “to-do” list has shortened, and I have awakened to an exhilarating landscape where I am not defined by my gifts, by my accomplishments, by my roles, by my latest album or song penned, by the last time I led worship and how effective I felt, by how the world feels about me, by my age, my beauty, my past, present, or future, or by my failures or successes.

Here in this field of grace, I am defined by my Abba.  

He says I am beloved and beautiful, perfectly accepted and cherished, simply because I am His. He says I am covered in His blood. I am adequate. He tells me I am a child of the King with a great inheritance, because of what He has done, not based on my own doing. 

And while He is the one who created me with this palette of gifts, talents, tendencies, and desires, He never intended for them to take such priority or to become a reflection of my worth, success or spirituality.  He always intended to have me enjoy His company first and to carry His light burden, rather than the sack of rocks I’ve had slung over my shoulder.

So, it is my prayer that His definition of who I am is what continues to drive my choices, my passion and my moments - that my goals and desires are completely drown in His love for me, submitted to wherever His river rambles.

Oh, to spend a life on that which He deems of greatest worth - Himself and those in His keeping - and not on the trappings of all the things that look so worthy, shiny and promising.  

This is my aim.  I set my eyes on Jesus...my goal, my joy and my reward.  May His love's refrain sing over me and stop me from running after anything or anyone else that would sing a cheap counterfeit of His glorious serenade.

Let this be my life…Wholly His. Lovingly accepted. And beautifully redefined.