Happy Fall, Ya’ll! I think I can get away with that greeting because I lived in Texas for a good eight years!

As I’ve watched the aspen leaves turn from green to yellow, and, if they’re lucky enough, transform into the elusive red or orange variety, I’m amazed at how quickly the seasons come and go. Joe and I took a couple golden drives up into the aspen-laden mountains over the last few weeks, and I took my Dad on a high-altitude drive for a day as well. It was breathtaking, and I will never ever tire of this miraculous changing.

But not long after this gorgeous display of color occurs, the leaves turn brown and fall to the ground. Still lovely, there is a barrenness that settles in. Thankfully, the bright blue skies still shine brightly most days in Colorado, so even the stark branches seem dazzling in the light. But there are days…there are days when the grey seems to settle into my soul, and I can’t find seem to find where hope is hiding.

With October being Depression & Mental Health Awareness month, I find it interesting that my own propensity toward melancholia tries to sneak its way in even more so as these days shorten, and the anxiety that has aggravated me since I was a young child, is always just under my skin. I can quote every Scripture, say and do all the seemingly “right” things, but it is something with which I will probably always struggle on some level. God has met me in these places. Of this I am sure. But it would be nice to be a little less introspective and sensitive sometimes.

It’s been over fourteen months since my Dad’s diagnosis with Glioblastoma (Stage IV brain cancer) and since he moved in with us. It’s been a rocky road to say the least - for him as a patient and for us as caregivers. He is fighting hard and staying so positive and has passed the median survival date for his diagnosis! He has three more rounds of chemo to go, in order to complete the twelve. He will also start another drug infusion called Avastin soon, along with an interesting treatment called the Optune (look it up!). He continues to have mini-seizures, which are unsettling for all of us, most especially him. His left side is still very weak, forcing him to use a walker and wheelchair at all times, as well as have assistance transferring from place to place utilizing a gait belt. He did order a cool new electric wheelchair, which we got through Costco. As a retired Navy pilot, anything with a joystick is fun!

But what do we do when there is so much unknown? We can’t predict the future. We don’t know if things will get better or worse. We can’t guarantee or control any outcomes. We can hope. We can pray. We can keep marching. But it’s hard.

One of the podcasts I listen to is called “The Next Right Thing.” It’s all about decision-making paralysis and how we can learn to be present in the moment and just do the next right thing. That’s kind of where we are right now. It’s easy to get overwhelmed, but we are trying to be just be here today, grateful for life and the ability to love and care for one another. Simple, right? Nope.

On a fun front, Joe and I got to go to Dallas for a couple days in September, and I was part of a celebration called The Gathering which was held at Christ for the Nations, in honor of their 50th anniversary. Fifty hours of worship (straight!) for fifty years of ministry. I led a couple chunks in the midst of a whole bunch of other wonderful worship leaders, including Kari Jobe and her hubby Cody Carnes. I got to lead worship with my longtime friend Kevin Jonas, Sr. (The Jonas Brother’s Dad, who was on staff as worship leader at CFNI when I was a student and later a staff member myself). It was a real treat to spend time with him, his precious wife Denise, and a multitude of other former staff and students I’ve been privileged to know over the years. It was super fun for Joe to meet all these crazy, fun, special folks and for us to have a weekend away together!

Coming up, I have a songwriting trip to Nashville in November, which I’m really looking forward to. And Joe and I are going to the Andrea Bocelli concert to help celebrate our anniversary at the end of this month! Woohoo! Have I mentioned how incredibly blessed I am to be married to the kindest, most compassionate, caring, loving man on the planet? Well, I am!

So, there is always so much good mixed in with the hard stuff. But if you’re like me, and you tend to struggle with anxiety or depression, please know you are not alone. Hope is here, even when it seems to be hiding. It will come again.

Breathe. Trust. Reach out to someone. Talk about it. Get the help you need. And know you are never alone. The Lord is with you. Yes. And there are those who long to be Jesus with skin on to you. Don’t let shame lie to you. Don’t let the enemy of your soul pour guilt upon you. The struggle is very real, and hope is always worth fighting for.

Let’s pray for one another as we enter this Fall and Winter season - for His Spirit meet us in tangible ways, as we listen for His tender voice. May we steal away for moments of quiet reflection, because we just need that so much in order to even survive in this world today. May we feel seen…because we are. May we rest in the here and now and thank the Lord for the gift of today, entrusting Him with tomorrow…for He is already there.

Much Love & Gratitude,

Shannon